Although more companies are recruiting these days times are still hard for those seeking employment with lots of competition for jobs so you would hope that when applying people would take care with their answers to common interview questions and what they put on their CVs, but a new book by Jenny Crompton and reviewed in the Daily Express reveals there are often reasons why some find it an uphill struggle to get a job.
Below are a few of the funniest things people have put on their cv’s or said in interviews:
Reasons for Applying
– The Jobcentre wants proof that I am actively seeking employment
– My dream is to be an astronomer but since I possess literally zero training in astronomy I am currently looking for work as a stockbroker
– I was drawn to this global warming research position by my love of penguins and baby polar bears and I also speak fluent Antartican (sic)
– Current salary: £36,000. Salary desired: £250,000
– I plan to go travelling round the world next year but need to make money to pay for it first, hence my application. So: lots.
Personal Details and Attributes
– Marital status: Repeatedly. Children: various.
– Sex: Occasionally
– Strengths: Really good at Lego
– I am loyal and know when to keep my big trap shut
– In my misspent youth I repeatedly evaded the law as a pickpocket, drug dealer, burglar and internet fraudster so I know I have the makings of an expert policeman
– Previous experience: self-employed – a fiasco
– Whilst working in the hairdressers I had to deal with a lot of old biddies
– Twin sister has accounting degree
– Trained in CPR and harassment
– I bake good cakes for people’s birthdays
– I am quick at typing – about 30wpm or 45wpm with strong coffee
– I am proficient in using the software you mention. (I assume. Haven’t downloaded it yet but am very good at computers, can do graphs, internet and so on.)
Hobbies and Interests
Reason for Leaving Previous Job
– Having to arrive at a certain hour doesn’t make sense to me
– Contract terminated after I was overheard saying: ‘it would be a blessing to get fired.’
– They stopped doing chips in the cafeteria
– Please only talk to Susan – definitely not Claire
– Best not to ask
Tales from HR
– There was a head shot stapled to the CV. Specifically, a head shot of a bulldog wearing a hat, jacket, shirt and tie.
– Q: Why do you want to work for this company? A: I fancy the girl on reception.
– One candidate gave me the distinct impression she had murdered her husband.
– One applicant spent five minutes maligning his previous boss who I ultimately felt obliged to point out was my father.
– When the candidate sat down and crossed his legs it became apparent that he wasn’t wearing dark socks but had coloured in his ankles with black marker pen instead.